Things I miss here in Somalia

I miss several things that are not available in Garowe, Somalia. Of course I don’t miss the cold, nasty winter of Minnesota! But, here is a list of things I miss being in Somalia:

1. Caribou …the coffees here are not strong enough for me.

2. Being free to go to alot of places by myself! I tried this before, but everyone was staring at me. I felt like a foreigner in my own native country. From then on, I always have have someone walk with me. However, I usually drive myself around town.

3. Cheese burger…enough said

4. Diversity. Although this is the first time in a long time I’m not a “minority”, I do miss the many different races I used to see in America. However, I do see the occasional non-Somali Africans, Asians, and Europeans. Diversity in thinking is scarce here also. It seems like everyone thinks the same.

5. Being able to wear cute outfits. Although I can dress as nice as I want ( must be hijabified), it’s hard to be “flashy” in Somalia. Alot of women here would love to be able to wear western style clothes, but the cultural norm here prevents them from doing so. Show your hair here? In your dreams! Kids in the neighborhood will throw rocks at you. Even non-muslim foreigner women here wear hijabs. When Somalia had a main central government, women could wear what they wanted. However, that freedom collapsed along with that government. Even though Puntland’s government has no laws for forcing women to wear hijab, the cultural lack of diversity here prevents many women from doing so. Although I choose to wear hijab by choice, I am for freedom of dress and choice as long as it doesn’t affect anyone in a negative way.

6. In America, when people saw that I was wearing hijab, they would look but usually not “stare”. In Somalia, even though I’m covered up from head to toe, people still stare at me as if I’m a foreigner, or maybe an alien. Although I’m visibly Somali, they notice that I’m new to the area. However, the stares I get when walking outside makes me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes people stop and look at me, like I’m a freak-show. I always thought staring at people for a long time was considered rude, but I guess not in Somalia. I think this is due to people not being used to differences. It’s very homogenous here.

7. Women rights. Women here are at the bottom of the totem pole. Somalia can be said to have more women right’s than Saudi Arabia, however, it’s still very poor. Being a woman in Somalia, you feel you are nothing more than a “woman”. Sometimes when I drive a car, people look at me like there is something wrong with me. Even though women here do drive (not many), I find it amazing that some people consider it abnormal for women to drive. A guy was recently telling me, back in the days people would think women who drove cars were “dhilos” or “bitches”. Once I was driving, and this guy comes to my car and asks me if he could drive for me. I was really offended by that, even though he meant it as a joke. I might be a woman, but at least I’m a good driver!

8.Cooking my own food. One of the benefits of living in Somalia is having a maid who cooks and cleans for me. However, I do miss doing my own cooking. In fact, I personally don’t like the maid’s cooking, but I didn’t hire her, so I can’t fire her. All she seems to do is make a rice dish one day, and the next day pasta. I feel like we eat more pasta than the Italians even!

Those are some things I can think of now. Do you guys have any suggestions for me?

Somalia: A nation of “NGOs”

The thing that surprised me the most upon my arrival in Puntland, Somalia were the number of Non-governmental organizations (NGOs). The whole place is bustling with NGOs for “Women empowerment”, “FGM”, “HIV training”, etc etc. I’ve also been told Somaliland, and South Somalia have many NGOs as well.

When I first saw these NGOs, I was very glad to see organizations that I felt were helping the Somali people. However, upon closer inspection, they are an utter failure. I’ve come to discover that NGOs do the bare minimal with what are called “soft” projects to “aid” Somalia. However, they fail to focus on real development. People are dying from lack of water in parts of Somalia, and they want to go into drought-ridden rural areas and talk about HIV with these people. It just doesn’t make sense. I went to a UNICEF meeting today for World Water Day. That’s another thing in Somalia, there are always meetings and workshops here held by the UN and other NGOs. We had a Somali engineer discuss the problems of water shortage in the region. Many of the “problems” were discussed, as well as possible solutions. After the talk was done, I asked a question about why we keep talking about the problems, but rarely do we see any action being taken? The answer I got was one of the major problems is lack of good engineering. The Somali engineers are really experts at what they do, but the problem is they design water pumps and other water facilities the way that specific NGO who is funding wants it. Most of the time these designs don’t work. We need a water rig, and to know the geographical locations of where sweet water vs. saline water are located. They need to be able to understand the depth the pumps can go. The reality is we do have fresh water, but the problem is getting it to the people. What the NGOs fail to do is give people sustainable solutions, instead they just provide temporary solutions. NGOs create a cycle of dependence. It is often a business. For example, when $500,000 is provided to help Somalis with a development project, maybe only $50,000 will go into the implementation of such project. The $450,000 will go into the pockets of the UN agents, for their hotel rentals, food, and travel. What help have they given the Somalis? One rig can do wonders to help many Somalis, especially in the Puntland region where the drought this year has been the most prevalent. It costs about $200,000. Why can’t Somalis in the diaspora and in Somalia work together to get such funds? Who are we waiting for? Change starts from the people, not the government. We also need educated Somali Engineers who know about water engineering to come back to Somalia. However, it seems like Somalis abroad don’t want to come back to Somalia. Somalia has only it’s people to help them. Israel for example, doesn’t have any fresh water, it uses the ocean water and converts it into fresh water for it’s people. Why can’t Somalis in Puntland do the same? If we combine our resources we can make many development changes to the region and possibly all of Somalia.

The government of Puntland spends the majority of it’s income on it’s military and combating piracy. The reality is not enough money is left over for development projects. We the people need to help out this nation. The reality is NGOs are aimed at emergency circumstances, not true development and taking people out of poverty. We shouldn’t rely on NGOs in Somalia. We need more Somali grassroots organizations that have the interest of the people. I’m sick of going to workshops in Somalia that only discuss the problems, it’s time to take some action.

I’m actually planning to start a fund-raising project abroad to collect about $300,000 for a water rig to be used in drought affected areas of Puntland. It’s an idea right now, but I’m hoping it will work out. It’s time to take action. We can do so much. We shouldn’t wait for the world to help Somalia, or Arab countries or Europe or America, we should use our minds and resources to aid Somalia. It’s time for change, and yes we can!

Why am I single?

“Why are you single?” That’s a question I get asked alot. So my question to all you single people out there is: why are you single?

My answer is like many others, that I haven’t found the “right” person, hence why I’m still unmarried and single. Being a Somali female, who grew up in America, my “dating” and possible “marriage-material” pool is very shallow, to say the least. My target audience are only “Somali men”. Not only just Somali men, but ones from the “good” tribes as my family has taught me. My family has instilled in me the importance of marrying only Somali men, not other men. Being in Minnesota, there weren’t many of the “right” type of men to choose from in the Somali men only pool. For one, there aren’t many Somalis in Minnesota to choose from. Also, most of the good men in general, were already happily married. However, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps being single at a certain age does mean there is something wrong with you. Perhaps, a single woman is single because she has daddy issues? Perhaps no male figure in her life growing up? I think that might be the case with me. In my self-diagnosis (via google), I think the reason I’m single is because I subconciously “choose” to be single, thus, I’m not attracting the “right” person into my life. Growing up in a single-parent household, with no males around, it has been difficult in choosing the “right” guy. However, I also believe it could be due to a person’s environment why they’re single. For example, many Somali females I knew were single because they never met compatible Somali guys. For some reason in Minnesota, it was hard for eligible females and males (that are Somalis) to run into each other. There were no places guys and girls could go to for socializing and meeting new people in the Somali community. Even at University, most people are too busy and rarely do you see other Somalis on campus (at least I didn’t!). The only men that I ran into constantly were not muslim, and not Somali. Also for me, there has been a pattern of going for losers, in my subconscious bid to make the relationship fail. In fact, I was always told men were an “enemy”, maybe this stuck with me somehow? A friend once told me, I watched too much Hollywood movies, and this has somehow “distorted” reality for me. Perhaps I’m too picky. Many females and males are single due to being picky.

Another thing is I’ve never really considered myself to be good at relationships, I’ve always made friends quickly but for some reason things always ended as quickly as it started. This has also applied to my relations with the opposite gender. Things are great really fast at the beginning, then I lose interest quickly and things go awry.Also, relationships in my opinion that are not based on halaal meetings don’t really work out too well. For a while now, I’ve been working on making my relationships “halaal” or Islamically approved. When I meet a guy, I will not be afraid to tell him what I want, and ask him if he wants the same. If he doesn’t, there is no need for me to waste my precious time.

Being in Somalia, like I mentioned before, I have nothing in common with the guys I meet here. Their views about marriage and how I think about love are in two different worlds. I was talking to a guy today, and I asked him what type of woman he’d like to marry. He told me, he would prefer a woman who was “pure”. When asked what he meant by “pure”, he insisted that she must be A. a virgin, B. shy/quiet C. Behind her man. I had to laugh out loud at his definition and simply told him “good” luck in finding such a woman.This guy is still single.

Many women and men have a list of what they want their partner to be. For me here is my list of criteria for a man:

1. Good-looking
2. Tall (minumum 5’11)
3. Nice teeth
4.Good hygiene
5. Good humor
6. Open-minded
7. Smart
8. Caring
9. Educated (Bachelor’s level at minimum)
10. Somali
11.Muslim/prays 5 time a day/moderately religious
12.Westernized yet knows Somali culture
13. Romantic
14. Must have good chemistry
15. Nice personality/outgoing yet laid back

As you can see, my list isn’t long and complicated. Yet, I’ve figured out the reason why I am not getting this from a guy is because my pool is very limited. Maybe I’m focusing too much on just “Somali” guys? Why not open myself to other men from other ethnicities? Why should we as Somali women feel like we have to just stick to Somalis? Aren’t others men too? The bottom line is, being single shouldn’t mean being desperate, lowering your standards, or feeling bad about yourself. Of course another thing I will have to zero in on is religion. Being that I’m muslim, the guy will also have to be muslim, as I’m not allowed to be with non-muslim men.

If you believe that you will meet that special person, then you shall meet that person. Maybe it’s a matter of time. However, I’ve realized the most important thing is to first work on yourself. When you have a list, do those things apply to you as well? When we work on ourselves, we attract what we put out there. Maybe not all the time! However, if something is meant to be, it will happen. Society makes you feel abnormal if you are single by say the age 25, but everyone goes at their own pace at the end of the day. We all want to have that special someone, so it’s natural that no one wants to be alone in this world. God first created Adam and Eve. So, it’s only natural we are all seeking our other half.

Racism against Somalis in the world

I was reading this article
today about racism faced by Somalis in Finland. It got me thinking about my own experiences with racism while I lived in the United States, in Minnesota. Minnesota has one of the largest Somali populations in the United States. Compared to Finland, and other European countries, I would think the United States is much better and more tolerable when it comes to issues of racism.

Before I get into Somalis in the diaspora and racism they face, I want to first discuss my own encounters with racism while living in Minnesota, as a person of Somali origin. Here is another article about students in Minnesota and racisms they encounter http://www.somalipress.com/news/2008-jul-11/somali-students-face-police-harassment-and-racism-americans.html”, this article describes many of the things I’ve encountered while attending the University, minus the police harassment. I never had problems with law
enforcement, it was the people. It was often passive racism that slowly ate away at your self-esteem, and the type that left you unable to have feelings of belonging to a country, feeling like a nomad.

Racism against Somalis at least in Minnesota was never addressed clearly, as Somalis were always grouped with African Americans. However, the reality is Somalis are very different than African Americans culturally and religiously, for the most part. African Americans were also more integrated and often there was always alot of tension between Somalis and African Americans. The only difference between the whites and blacks in Minnesota was whites show passive racism, often at higher educational institutions and the workplace. Whereas, African Americans were more vocal with their dislike of Somalis. African Americans would also loudly, and openly show aggressive racism towards Somalis. Some also felt Somalis behaved like they were “better” than them, and that might be true also. Alot of Somalis believe African Americans are inferior people, who are criminals, and for this reason tend to not associate with them. So this could be where this tension comes from the African Americans. The irony is both groups face racism in different forms. I remember one day I was on the city bus, this fully hijabed Somali lady got on the bus at the same time that some high school girls were getting off the bus. One of the girls was black, one was biracial, and one was white. The white girl as she passed the Somali woman shouts “I hate Somalians”, on the bus. Being that I was one of the only Somalis on the bus, it really hurt me and before I knew it I shouted out “We hate you too, b*tch”. Maybe it was my hot-tempered Somali blood that caused me to reply to such ignorance, but for her to openly say that in public shows the state of racism against Somalis today, specifically in Minnesota. I don’t think that girl could’ve said in the same way, “I hate African Americans” or “I hate Hmong people”. That would be taboo. However, no one said anything except me when she openly said she hated “Somalians”, and that silence speaks volumes about the state of racism Somalis face today in Minnesota.

When I was attending the University of Minnesota, I was shown hate everyday as I walked to my classes on campus. White people would give me dirty looks. Although I started not caring about their looks as it became a “normal” part of my life, I knew deep now that this was not right, and no one spoke about this on campus. I’m sure many Somalis faced the same things as I did. Even in my classes, when we did group work, some of the white students would ignore me in some classes because to them I was a “foreigner Somali” who has “invaded” their country and on welfare. To them, I was a parasite by being there. Some of them were even surprised I was attending college, and asked me how I was paying for it. Same things happened to me in the workplace. I used to hate working with white women 50 years and older, because they were the most racist ones I used to encounter. The worst part of their racism towards me was it was a hidden form of racism that slowly would eat away at your soul. It hurt me at the beginning, but slowly as I became accustomed to it, I didn’t care and even confronted some of them about their views. For me, I had 4 strikes against me: being a female, being a muslim, being black, and being Somali. Everyday was a struggle, which eventually became a normal thing that didn’t really affect me. However, now that I’m in Somalia, my own native country, I feel that no one should have to go through that. I spoke English with an American accent, so for me it was easy compared to the many Somalis who might speak limited English facing such hardships.

At the University of Minnesota, we had a MSA (muslim student Association), and it was run primarily by Arabs and Pakistanis. Even they didn’t like Somalis. The only difference is they were muslims and were less hostile, but it was the same to me. When a Somali student would go into the room, non of the Arabs or Pakistanis would speak with them, they had to be the first ones to say “Asalaamu Alaykum” to everyone. It was the first time I realized, when people view you as being from a poor war-torn nation, they look down on you no matter how you’re on their level in everyway. It was really sad, because growing up Somali, we’re a people who have alot of pride, especially people whose parents grew up in Mogadhishu before the collapse of the government there. So, to have people show us racism in this society really harms you in so many ways. I eventually quit going to the MSA because I went there to belong in the first place, and when I saw how they were treating Somalis , I quit going there. It was again passive. I’m not crazy, this has also been shared with me by many Somali students who went there. The funny thing is, the Arabs and Pakistanis that I’ve encountered in Dubai were less racist than the ones in America. We always hear Arab countries are full of racism, and even if it’s true, I didn’t encounter that in the United Arab Emirates.

In Europe, I’ve heard worst case scenarios of racism directed at Somalis. The internet is often much worst, even other Africans are beginning to attack Somalis to feel good about themselves, especially online. I’m not saying Somalis are 100% not racist. Many Somalis are racist when it comes to marriage for example, against foreigners especially Africans and African Americans. Although they wouldn’t prefer other races for marriage, if they had to it would be whites that come first for marriage. I think it has to do with the idea that whites have a better “status” in society. Of course, being muslim is a big factor, as Somalis are very loyal to Islam.

To the Somalis outside of Somalia, why don’t you guys come back to Somalia? You can die even in America or Europe from a gunshot. Why do we love running to other countries? Somalis should return to Somalia and invest in Somalia. I see Somalis going to Kenya or Uganda with their businesses, but why not come to Puntland or Somaliland even? They’re both safe. You can even make money in Mogadhishu if you’re brave. Why not invest in Somalia? Why are our brothers and sisters dying in South Africa at the hands of the locals there for having money there? You ran to South Africa but found it worst than Somalia. You ran to Finland, but you see these people didn’t show you love, they hate you and reports there show Somalis are the “MOST” hated minority in Finland. Same thing in Sweden. I’m not saying all European or western nations are bad or racist, but I encourage all Somalis in the diaspora to let go of fear and invest in Somalia. There is no feeling in the world than being in your own country. There is no feeling in the world than being able to hear the athaan (call to prayer) 5 times a day. There is no greater feeling than to feel at home.

Do Smart Women like Nice Guys finish last?

I’ve been making alot of observations for a while, and I’ve come to the conclusion that smart women are equivalent to “nice guys” and seem to finish last when it comes to relationships. Women that are deemed “intelligent” and “direct” seem to not get the guy, just like the “nice guy” seems to fail at winning the girl. Why is this so?

For a long time, I’ve seen how all the “dumb” girls seem to be getting married, while the smart women are increasingly finding it difficult to find a man. We’ve all heard about smart women, in their 30s or maybe 40s, earning high salaries unable to find marriage. Many of these women believe that their success is a barrier to finding a man. Is it because there is a shortage of men? I don’t think this is the case, but I think that men see smart women as intimidating. Alot of men want a woman who makes him feel good about himself, and his “intelligence”. Men seem to be insecure, for the most part. They would rather have a dumb broad who nods in agreement to everything he says, than a woman who actually challenges him. Smart women are independent and generally don’t need a man to live life. However, dumb women make the guy feel like he is needed, which makes him feel good about himself, yet again.

Generally, when a man sees a woman, he doesn’t think “wow, that girl has a high IQ”. He first sees the beauty of the female, and is checking out her “assets”, rather than her intelligence and book-smarts. One thing about smart women is that they are direct, because they feel they have nothing to lose. Many men find this a great threat, because it shows a woman who can hold her ground. They see this as a form of hostility. However, a downside to being direct is being tactless. So, maybe it could be smart women need to refine their social skills when it comes to dealing with men.Another thing about bright women is that they are often opinionated, which again scares insecure men away. The bottom-line is men want to feel like they’re the “man” and that for them means a woman who’s behind him, not in front. They may prefer a woman who is more acquiescent. So, most smart women prefer to “be themselves” and that is not how finding a mate works in the world today. Maybe there are men out there who prefer intelligent women, but in today’s world, most men prefer dumb or less opinionated women. Men don’t want the competition that comes with being with a smart woman.

I consider myself to be a reasonably bright woman, and I have a tendency to scare men away with my opinions. I also don’t fall for garbage easily, which does wonders for dumb women. Which is why I’m still single. But, does it mean I have to lower myself to find a man? I would never do such a thing. However, I would suggest smart women to hone their social skills when it comes to finding the right guy, because it’s a jungle out there. Ultimately, the world is full of dumb bimbos and we must defeat them somehow. Also, smart women have a tendency to be honest, but sometimes they may go “overboard” with the truth. Maybe it should be toned down a bit.

Although, most men prefer dumb bimbos, ultimately the smart woman prevails. She has her education and her intelligence to always fall back on. Maybe nice guys and smart women should seek each other, since both of them are on the same boat when it comes to relationships. Smart women should not be worried, and never stop being themselves.

In Somalia: Men first, women get lost

I want to talk about “women’s rights” issues in Somalia, specifically Puntland. Puntland is a state of Somalia that has law and order. Although the government is not as strong as it could be if it was a central government, it has been stable.Puntland doesn’t want to be a separate country than Somalia, like Somaliland. So, when I say in Somalia, I am specifically talking about in Puntland, since that’s where I reside currently. There are many organizations that speak for “women’s rights” right here in Puntland, however, what is the reality on the streets? I don’t see women having alot of rights here. Since being in Somalia for close to a month now, I feel that men always come first, but women should just get “lost” and not speak around men.

What has led me to conclude to this? Well, there are things men can do that women are culturally shunned from. Things like going out to coffee shops. Men traditionally go sit in coffee/tea shops and talk for long periods of time after work, and some who don’t have any work still do that. They leave the women at home to take care of the children. Rarely do you see a man playing with his children or baby-sitting them. Rarely/or never will you see a man in the kitchen helping his wife to cook. A man in the kitchen is considered “shameful”. In other words, know thy place woman…in the kitchen. Women do all the work, while the man chat with his friends all day or goes to work and rarely do you see “romance” or people holding hands in the streets (ok, maybe I’m leaving the realm of Somalia here lol). I am not anti-Somali men, I’m actually upset with the women and how they let themselves be treated as such. They are the ones at fault, not the men.

I was recently walking in the market with a guy who was from Europe (he’s also Somali). Both of us appeared to not be from the area, but everyone was just looking at me. I was wearing a long dress, and a headscarf, and felt I was islamically covered up. However, they were looking at me like I was walking around naked. In Somalia, women have to wear heavy hijabs that sweep the floor. I personally don’t like that type of style, however, in Somalia that is what they call the “true” hijab. Even when I was in Minnesota, that was what was deemed as the “true” hijab by a large segment of the Somali population. Another thing I’ve noticed is, when there is a seminar or workshops almost most of the leaders are men.Women don’t hold many leadership positions, and although this can be said for many African countries, it’s still wrong. I can count with one hand the number of leading women I’ve encountered while in Somalia. Women also know their “place” and proceed to walk to the back of the hall that the workshops or seminars are held. Why must they sit in the back? Another thing I’ve noticed is when food is being served, men are served first, women last.

In Puntland, not south Somalia, women can drive (thank God). Even though I drive a car by myself sometimes, people always give me more attention than if a man were driving. Why would it be so odd for a woman to be driving? Well, there aren’t too many women that drive. Girls are trained from a young age their purpose in life is to marry and to take “care” of her husband. The men are the social link for women in Somalia. I thought to myself, are men the ones oppressing the women here?Well, it turns out that women are doing this to themselves. The men couldn’t care less, but they were trained to think that way culturally. When Somalia’s former Siyad Barre government (may Allah rest his soul) was in power, men and women had equal rights. Now, women are forced into accepting a certain way of life. There is no differences in views here, all must “think” alike. Everything a woman does if it contradicts the culture is deemed as “ceeb” or “ayab” which is a Arabic word that has been added to the Somali language which means “shameful”. I’m so tired of this word. Another thing is women are being forced to all wear big hijabs that sweep the floor. Being a muslimah myself, I believe in hijab but this style of hijab is not conducive to working. It is simply too big, and I believe hijab can be worn many ways as long as it fits the 7 criteria of hijab. I’m not suggesting women wear bikinis and mini-skirts, even though I believe if they want to they should. Although the government of Puntland isn’t against or forcing women to dress a certain way, the culture is greater than what the government can do. There was a time in Somalia that women could dress how they wanted, today that is non-existent. I’m not against hijab, I’m against lack of freedom and lack of freedom of expression.Women are cheap here, they aren’t thought of as being leaders especially to men. However, they are only regarded as the leaders of the household. Even though that’s not a bad thing, it’s still not enough.

Maybe I’m looking at the picture wrong, or maybe it’s my western mentality. Whatever it is, I feel that alot is lacking here as far as women right’s goes in Somalia. Women are the ones who are oppressing themselves by keeping themselves on the back end. Alot of men don’t want women here to be free, they simply want them to be their foot stools. Furthermore, they don’t want the women to take their positions of “power”. I’m not saying all men in Somalia are this way, but few of the ones I’ve seen hold such views. Alot of men come from Europe and America seeking to marry a woman in Somalia, not because they can’t find one in the west, but because they can control the woman in Somalia. They are deemed as “superior” by them, especially since they are from the west, and are thought of as having alot of money, etc etc.

There are many problems in Somalia, but this is just one I’ve decided to address. I hope things will change, and although not overnight, I feel it’s bound to change.

What does Amal want?

I recently started reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and it got me thinking about my dreams and what I want in life. I think if you ever get the chance to read this book, read it because it’s so simple yet life changing.

What do I want in life? I’ve been doing alot of soul searching lately, and being in Africa has helped me get away from it all. I never knew what I really wanted to do with my life. Maybe I’ve been going through “quarter-life” crisis. Of course being happy in my life has always been number one for me. I’ve always been a thinker, and would sometimes think about life alone. When I was in Minnesota, my life felt so empty and unfulfilled. I knew there was more to life than being in a cubicle earning a comfortable salary. After awhile you get used to the money, and you realize this was something that you weren’t meant to do with your life. I dreamed of having a fulfilling life. One of my dreams has always been to travel the world, and one day I decided to just follow my dreams; so I took my chance and did it. I thought traveling and seeing different things in the world would make me happy. You can say I was tired of having the same routines Monday to Sunday. It wasn’t easy for me to quit my comfortable job in Minnesota, and live in Somalia. Most people would think I’m insane for doing this, but I feel something greater than me has pushed me here. I chose to live life fearlessly, and getting on that plane from Minnesota was the start of my journey. It was the most fulfilling thing I can think of accomplishing in my life in such a long time.

I often questioned what is the meaning of life? What was I made to do with my life? In college, I was even confused about what I wanted to study! I always thought the medical field was something I would enjoy, but I got into it mainly because the salary was appealing. However, since I’ve seen the medical field from the inside, I know this is not something I would enjoy doing the rest of my life. It used to stress me a great deal not being passionate about something. I always knew what I would love to do, but I couldn’t say it clearly and eloquently. One thing I always loved was to have a job where I can travel to many places in the world. I love traveling. The first time I traveled overseas was in 2006, and ever since the “travel bug” got me. I always was confused about what I should do with my life. In Islam, we say when we are in our mother’s womb for 4 months, our destiny in this life is written for us. What did Allah destine for me? Being a muslim, we can all say that we were made to worship Allah. A friend recently gave me some advice, he simply said to pray and everything will work out. Prayer is such a powerful tool. I’ve been using prayer lately, which includes the 5 daily prayers, and talking to God to guide me and help me find fulfillment. I can say I now have a dream I’m working towards. To get to a dream, you have to be willing to put in work and effort. I realized in life, to get out of being in a confused state you have to take chances. For me, getting out of that confused state meant getting out of Minnesota and coming to Africa. I can truly say I’m beginning to find myself in Africa.

Wherever my life may lead me, I know I’m in Allah’s hands. That makes me sanguine. You have to have faith. Since being in Somalia, I see the true meaning of life and how precious life is. Never take anything for granted, because so many would love to be in your shoes today. I do have a dream I’m working towards right now, but I’m hoping to enjoy the journey life takes me through while aiming for my dream. The possibility of your dreams coming true makes life truly interesting.

Culture Shock: Is my honeymoon phase over?

I’m beginning to think the first phase of culture shock might be waning. I still might be in the honeymoon phase of culture shock, but it has decreased since my last blog entry. I’m becoming more “hostile” towards my new country (which is my native country that I didn’t grow up in). I’m slowing getting frustrated by the cultural behaviours of the people here. I’m very irritated about alot of things going on around me.

When I first came to Somalia, everything was so exotic and amazing. I loved the weather immediately, of course since I was from cold Minnesota. I also loved seeing so many Somalis around me. Now, I’m so tired of seeing just Somalis, and the occasional foreigner.Some things that irritate me include how people stare at you when they see you are not from the area or from western nations. I’m just getting tired of how people stare. When people stare, they squint their eyes and show their big teeth without actually smiling at you. No body smiles at anyone here, maybe unless you smile at them first.

Some of the men don’t wear deodorant and their “natural” manly odor intrudes into my personal space. Don’t they smell that? Uff. Also, women generally stay home in Somalia and don’t have as much fun as the men. Being from a place where I would always be going somewhere outside my house, I haven’t changed much even in Garowe, Somalia. However, I was told if men see me around coffee shops and restaurants, they will think I’m a “dhilo” or “sharmuto” , i.e hooker or slut. It sucks to be a woman when you’re here. Men seem to rule this nation with an iron fist. I’m tired of not having the same rights as men to go where I want to go, without my family trying to set me “right” and teaching me that is not “proper” for women to do.When I go into meetings with men and speak, they all look at me surprised as if it’s weird to see a young woman speak in front of men. I recently visited this NGO’s office in Garowe, and there was a calendar up for March that said “women can lead too”. There was a picture of a woman sitting at a desk with men lined up to ask her for something. I found this hilarious because it was so juvenile yet it seems some people here, even women don’t think women can lead in anything. I’m saddened by this because this is the stereotyping of muslim societies that I’ve grown up with living in America, yet it’s true! I don’t think the majority of men here want “liberation” of women, because that would mean they wouldn’t be able to run everything like they do now. Also alot of women would think I’m crazy if I ever brought this up to them, because they’ve grown accustomed to this way of life. For them, it’s part of the “culture” and for some reason Somalis are really into their culture, good or bad. Compared to Saudi Arabia, however, Somali women do enjoy greater freedom such as the ability to drive a car. I’m so happy I can drive here, that’s one thing that I’m happy about that is not off limits to women here. I’m also having a hard time understanding the people’s thinking here, it’s beyond me why they have some of the views they have. For example, alot of people think female genital mutilation is normal. Although, the government of Puntland has made it illegal to perform pharanoic type of FGM (severe form), people still practice it due to it being a deeply rooted cultural practice. Although most people now prefer “sunni” style FGM, it is still made into the pharoanic style which basically is the whole clitoris is cut off, without the sewing that takes place with the severe form (fircooni or pharoanic). I would say 99.99% of the Somalis here in Somalia think it’s abnormal to just leave the girls without anything being performed on her vagina. It’s beyond my understanding. Another thing that I haven’t become too comfortable with is how conservative this society is. Coming from a very liberal (to some extent) society, it’s hard for me to conform to the very strict thinking of people here. Everything seems to be taboo. I think women should dress how they want, but it’s taboo for example for women to wear pants. It’s like the hijab is the law here without the government making it such. I’m not against the hijab, as I wear it by choice, but this lack of my ability for example to not wear pants makes me want to wear pants! I feel that men can dress how they want, and can go where they want, but women’s role here is to stay home. For example, most of the mosques here don’t have a women section! It’s like the religion or ibadah (practice) of Islam is made for men. Why can’t women go to the masjid (mosque)? Well because they don’t have a section to sit at!

I’m also tired of getting sick here. For the past two weeks, I’ve been throwing up and having diarrhea from something I’ve eaten while in Somalia. Today after waking up from my midday nap, my arms and legs were covered in bumps that were itchy. They didn’t look like they were from mosquitos. I think I got some type allergic reaction or some type of “bug” bit me while I was asleep.

I also have moments of extreme homesickness, where I miss my life in Minnesota and want to get the hell out of Somalia…like everyone in Somalia. That’s another thing here, everyone in Somalia wants to get the hell out of Somalia, and I don’t blame them sometimes because for some people here there is no progress in life. I hope I can learn to be comfortable here in the future, but it’s been bittersweet for me thus far. I do enjoy alot of things here compared to in America, but alot of things need to change. Somalia has been without a central government for 20 years now, and that has left many of the people here lacking alot of resources to progress in life. Puntland has peace, thank God, but many things here in our society need to be looked at, discussed with honesty and openly for Somalis to move forward.

My “annoyances” in Somalia

So, I’ve been in Puntland, Somalia for 2 weeks now! Even though for the major part of my stay I’ve enjoyed many things here, however, there are things about some of the cultural behaviors here that annoy me:

1.Yesterday, I was at this wedding. We were supposed to get in line, get a plate, and a waiter would service us from the buffet. Normal people at a wedding would think to get in line, right? Well, the people were cutting the line, pushing eachother, and generally rude . I felt like I was fighting for UN food donations. This is not something new about Somalis I’ve observed, but let’s just say Somalis are “ghetto”, not all but the majority. Would it bother them to get in line? We had more than enough food for everyone, but no they wanted to jump on eachother and push me around.

2. General unconcern for their environment. I would see people with nice shops here in Somalia, but they don’t pick up the trash from outside their shops. They just insist on keeping the shop organized, and prefer not to worry about what’s outside. I asked my uncle about this and he told me that Somalis are nomadic people, and usually go where their is more rain, and where the grass is greener. They don’t seem to care about their surroundings. It’s a nice way to give the “middle finger” to everyone. Wouldn’t it make Somalia a better place if we cared about what’s outside our houses, our businesses? I think so.

3. Close-mindedness and insistence on “Somali culture”. What exactly is “Somali” culture? Culture is man-made, and can change. For example, alot of people believe that female circumsion will help keep a woman “pure” and not make her a hooker or “sharmuto” as they put it. Some also love to use Islam as the basis of their argument when it comes to some cultural aspect such as female genital cutting. They say “sunni” style female circumcision is permissible, yet there are hundreds of sunnahs which they don’t follow. Yet they insist on clinging to issues of the female vagina. Again, I speak as a fellow Somali and this is in regards to a segment of Somalis that are very vocal in Somalia and abroad. Things that are BAD should not be in our culture, we should leave the bad and stay with the good in our culture, like being hospitable to guests, and drinking tea 10 times a day.

4. Lack of freedom in regards to female dress. I happen to wear the hijab now by choice, but sadly in Somalia many women feel like they have to wear it or face consequences. Many simply do as the crowd does. Many girls are told to wear the hijab at a young age without their parents telling them why it would be good for them. This comes from our lack of Islamic understanding and jahiliya (ignorance).

5. Respect for non-Somalis, but no respect for other fellow Somalis. I notice how Somalis love to respect and welcome non-Somalis, but they have no respect for a Somali of another tribe. In Minnesota for example, there are 3 Somali malls, none of the buildings are owned by Somalis. They are owned by an Arab man. The reason is because if it was owned by another Somali, Somalis who weren’t that person’s tribe wouldn’t rent shops from that building. However, they are more than willing to give their money to an Arab man, or white person. This is why there is no unity in Somalia in 20 years. The wounds of the war are deep. Unless we heal, and forgive we can never move on.

6. Shyness in girls in Somalia. The Somali females in America were vocal and assertive, but I’ve noticed girls in Garowe don’t go around men, and don’t want to speak up near men. It just annoys me because I’m wondering, what are you shy about? Most of the girls are so shy, it makes me wonder where did this culture of women being like this come from? My mom grew up in a Somalia where women were strong and wore what they wanted, and sat near men in school. For example, I was driving in Garowe the other day with my younger aunt. We were going to this library and where I parked the car had many guys standing around. My aunt went through cars to avoid walking like a normal person near those men. I asked her what she was scared of? It just astonishes me that people have such behavior and consider it “normal”. Shyness like that is not good for anyone. I hope to be a catalyst for change in issues such as this by helping to empower Somali girls.

I pray for Somalis and Somalia everyday. In fact, I pray for the whole world! I hope by being in Somalia I can make a difference somehow in changing some negative views into positive ones.

My “love” life:Current status

I recently was having a conversation with a Ugandan teacher in Puntland,Somalia and told him that I plan to stay in Somalia for at least a year. He was shocked initially and asked me “what about your love life?”

In Somalia, currently my “love” life is zero percentage. I’m not comfortable as I was in the United States when it comes to finding a “mate”. For one, I can’t relate at all to the guys in Somalia, and most of them are not attractive to me. I’ve been having alot of guys asking me for my number, and interested in “courting” me, however, I don’t know if it’s because they want to use me for my American citizenship or something else.

I have one guy that sparked my interest though. I was interested in him until I found he was married! He was everything I think my ideal man should be, that’s why people say all the good ones are married! However, I’m not the type to mess with married men, nor do I intend to be a “second” wife (puhlease I’m too fly for that). For one, he’s much older than me, but one thing that has changed since I have been in Somalia is I’m more interested in older men now than men my age. I feel that an older man has alot more maturity and as long as he’s “westernized” it could work. However, the men in Garowe, Somalia I don’t think I can do anything with them! I feel like they’re aliens to me, so foreign. Can you imagine feeling like a foreigner in your own country? lol! Of course, I’m only joking, but sometimes I feel that way. I feel like it has alot to do with the fact I was raised in America for the greater part of my childhood. Of course I have a western mentality when it comes to matters of love. For example, being in Somalia girls younger than me have 4 kids already. Most girls 25 years or younger are 90% of the time married off. They often just strive to get married, not alot of the females here try to pursue higher education. Sometimes it’s not about love.

I love the feeling of being in love, and I think it’s so beautiful. I want to feel like if I have that special someone, I don’t need nothing else in life. However, when I came to Somalia, I knew I didn’t come here for a man. I always thought I would marry a Somali man, but at this point in my life I don’t care what nationality he’s from as long as it works out. So at this point, my love life is still in Minnesota…hibernating during the winter, but come summer…we shall see.