Somali men in Africa vs America

I lived in Somalia for a period of time, and I lived in America. I’ve noted many differences. One of the biggest things I’ve noticed is people that grew up in America, especially the guys aren’t interested in marriage. They don’t seem to want to implement Islam in their lives when it comes to marriage. In Islam, you’re either married or single. However, it seems like it has become common for people to have relationships outside of marriage for years without ever deciding to marry. It really bothers me on many levels. It seems like most Somali guys in America are more interested in “getting to know you”, even if it takes years. Most of the time, they might move on to the next girl. The whole process is a waste of time, and unIslamic to me. However, it seems that Arabs and reverts to Islam place more importance on nikah than Somalis. If you talk to a guy about marriage, his first statement is “let’s get to know each other”. Well, you’ve known me for 5 years, what else are you going to “know” about me? My favorite color? Subhan’Allah.
On the other hand, the guys in Somalia implement Islam more when it comes to nikah. A guy will be interested in you for marriage, rather than just having a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship, and I really like that because it’s true Islam. I think American pop culture tends to make marriage seem scary, that is why for many men who grow up in this society, especially the Somali men they are subconsciously taught to hold off marriage until later. In many rap songs, they rarely sing about “I’m going to make you my wife”, it’s always about a relationship outside of marriage. Marriage as an institution is put down in the mainstream. That’s why many Somali girls are going to Africa and have found great men who are responsible and good husbands. It’s time we talk about these things within our community.

Somali men going overseas to marry

A trend I’ve noticed is many educated, young Somali guys are going back to Somalia, Kenya and Arab countries to marry women there. The question is why? When there are so many beautiful, educated Somali women here in North America who are also single?

There are couple of reasons behind this trend. One of them is that Somali girls in Somalia for example are seen as “good women”, whereas the ones in the west are seen as “bad women”. It has to do with the upbringing of a lot of these guys who are going over there. Another insidious reasoning is that at the core Somali men love a woman who is submissive, and who he can feel like “the man” around. That means he’s more educated than her in a lot of cases. It’s quite said, but it seems that men love women who are less educated than them. Instead of being happy with their sisters, they choose to make them feel like they’re not “good” as women.

I was in Somalia for 7 months, and let me tell you, as much as I love my country, it’s better to be a man there than a woman. I’m not saying women are abused or anything like that, but it seems like every decision is male oriented. Men in general get better jobs, are better students, and women are prepped to be housewives only. I understand being a civil war ravaged country that is in its developmental stage, it will not be the same as first world countries when it comes to certain gender rights. The bottom line is the men who marry abroad want a submissive woman, who they can control. It’s no wonder many Somali women are marrying “reverts” these days, and I have no problem with this. Deen is the most important thing. Also, another trend I noticed many Somali women are going to Africa to marry Somali guys there. It seems the Somali guys over there happen to “love” the “bad” women from abroad (lol). I think that solves the problems we’re having. All the Somali girls who want to marry a Somali guy should maybe do what the guys have always been doing and go to Africa and find a nice guy from over there.

I’m not trying to put Somali guys down, or “hate” on them, but I’ve come to this conclusion. I don’t want to say all Somali men are this way. There are many Somali men out there who are empowering women daily, and are great brothers, fathers and sons. Also, when it comes to “women rights”, non-Muslims love to say “It’s Islam that is abusing women”, and I don’t agree with that idea, because Islam gave women all the rights they need, it’s just that people who don’t understand Islam have taken away their rights. Big difference.