Lately I’ve been meeting so many Muslim women, who are successful, educated, beautiful and over 35 years old and unmarried in America. So, I did a little survey by going on a muslim marriage site, and searched women who were 35-40 who never married and had no children in America, the results were astonishing. It’s just as I expected. I’ve wrote about the rise of the unmarried Somali woman before, and this just confirms my previous observations. For one thing, Muslims in America are thinly spread out. Many Muslim men are able to easily marry non-Muslim women that they work with or go to school with if the availability of Muslim women is limited, but what about the Muslim women? As we all know, as Muslim women we can only marry a Muslim man, and especially in ethnic Muslim communities, the women are encouraged to marry within their own “culture”. For example, in the Somali community, there are many over 30 year old women who never married. In Somali culture, we don’t have arranged marriages, you’re not supposed to have a boyfriend and have kids out of wedlock Islamically. Women are expected to find their own husband. The problem is many boys in the west, especially Somali men are facing the same issues facing the wider community in America. In America, the marriage rate in general is going down. Men are easily getting sex from women, and this decreases their drive to marry them, as they see no point in marrying if they’re getting free sex. Many boys who were raised here will try to talk to a girl, but will hesitate to marry her. I’ve met Somali girls who were dating a guy for 4 years ,and some mentioned to me the guy has never proposed, yet he gives the illusion that he’s in “love”. Also, Muslim men were able to marry up to 4 wives in their home countries, but due to the cost of living in America, as well as laws against that it’s difficult. Many women feel all the good men are married off. So, what we have left is highly educated, financially well off Muslim women who are single. Also, Muslim men (non-Somalis) from Arab or Asian communities tend to want to marry white convert women instead of black revert women or their own women. This leaves other issues. Many men also decide to go back to their native countries and marry there as they view the girls back home as being more “pure” and “womanly” not a crazed feminist.
So, what are the solutions? For one, the Muslim community needs to help Muslim women who are not married get married. I feel the masjids are not doing a good job. Some people say online marriage sites can be utilized, but the reality is it never works, most of the people on their are in other countries and are seeking a green card. This is an issue that could affect Muslims in this country. Secondly, the families need to be willing to allow their daughters to marry other races/ethnicities outside their “culture”. The Muslim men, need to start being Muslim men and not date a girl years and years and waste her precious time. This is not halaal and decays the morals of Islam from our lives.
Please share your thoughts below. I would love to hear what solutions are out there.
Drinking Tea in Mogadhishu 
Apr 25, 2014 @ 22:52:38
My sister is 33 and unmarried. I honestly think the solution to this is for my sister, and other north American sisters, to start marrying men from abroad; Morocco, Somalia, Nigeria, Pakistan…etc. I know, I know, these men are after the green card, but its better to be married to a man who is after the green card and have at least one child in this life then to grow old childless and alone. That’s the only solution I see. It’s very hard for our (and mine) black sisters, this obsession with whiteness has infected the whole male muslim body. Black women need to take drastic measures; go abroad, marry them and bring them home. that’s it. drastic measures for drastic times.
Apr 26, 2014 @ 03:59:48
Abraham, I absolutely agree with you, then again everything is already written by Allah.
Apr 26, 2014 @ 23:26:30
I think we still have agency in our lives though. For example, my sister is against marrying a foreigner saying all they want is the green card. So let’s say she keeps aging alone an unmarried, that’s a choice she’s making, we shouldn’t put it all on God. I know everything is ultimately in God’s hands but we have to at least try in life, take risks and do our best, THEN shall we put it in the hands of God, after we’ve done our best.
Apr 28, 2014 @ 01:08:25
Yeah that’s sad, but we have to take action too. Even you and the family can help your sister find a husband. I honestly think Somali families are not helping their daughters find husbands. In this society, it helps when people are introducing people.
Apr 28, 2014 @ 23:00:15
You’re right, we should all try to make sisters and brothers meet each other, but another thing I’ve encountered is lack of interest from others and even surprise that she’s still unmarried into her thirties…men are going for women in their twenties…LIFE IS HARD FOR OUR UNMARRIED SISTERS!
May 02, 2014 @ 19:28:07
Read dua for u’r self and for others allah is close and will answer our prayers, the main factors of this crisis are men from A to Z mean prefer young uneducated women instead of educated mature women I don’t knw why! But the fact is the right one will knock your door at the right time its a matter of time just wait with hope insha alah
don’t forget ( salatul layl )
May 14, 2014 @ 21:39:59
I have a solution!!! I am Somali man who happily live and work in Africa.
I am a professional with engineering degree. If the sisters are not overly concerned about location and tribe, I am more than ready to settle with a willing partner and would even pay all her travel expenses to and from Africa as well as the cost of the wedding.
It is a grim reality for a lot of us, not only our beloved country is destroyed but so too the family vales, our minds and priorities are messed up. We are all so confused, so self-centered and at the end we neither happy nor gotten what we worked for. The first step to solving a problem is realizing there is one and if we do some retrospection we will see we are the problem and the solutions are within us.
As for the solutions, I don’t think I have all the answers but I honestly believe if you want things to get better, we have to get better and do things differently. As we all know outside circumstances will not change until we change ourselves and if we are really serious about getting something we will do everything to get it.
The only thing we should be striving to satisfy is Allah alone, forget about culture, tribe and all the other trivial things and Insha Allah you will see others will soon come on board.
Lastly, for the abusive posts you got, I think you did the right thing by ignoring them. Their nasty comment says a lot about their personality and character than it says about you.